How defining my non-negotiables transformed my leadership style
TLDR:
Early in my leadership journey, I stepped into a talented team with a fractured culture. No amount of persuasion could align people who had stopped trusting each other. It wasn’t until I got clear on my personal leadership non-negotiables—and put them in writing for my team—that everything began to change. This article shares how a leadership covenant restored trust and reshaped my identity as a leader.
When Everyone Cares but No One Trusts
I inherited a team full of experienced professionals who deeply believed in our mission.
We were preparing students to go into nonprofit work—work that would make a real, lasting difference in the world. Every teacher loved their subject. They loved their students. And they took tremendous pride in their role.
On paper, it should’ve been a dream team.
But behind closed doors, things were tense.
There were factions—lone wolves trying to steer things back to what they thought was right. Some carried scars from years under autocratic leadership. Others quietly undermined new voices they didn’t trust.
I had brought in younger team members—talented, passionate, and full of fresh ideas. But they immediately felt the resistance. Their creativity was met with subtle eye rolls or passive pushback. It was clear: everyone wanted the mission to succeed, but no one trusted each other to lead it well.
Students noticed.
Tension leaked into classrooms. They began picking sides—favoring teachers, playing them against each other. It was heartbreaking. And exhausting.
Trying to Hold It Together (And Watching It Keep Splitting)
At first, I did what many leaders try:
I stepped in to mediate. I negotiated. I tried to get people aligned through encouragement, persuasion, and shared vision.
It helped… briefly.
But every week, another issue would surface. It was like holding together a leaky boat with duct tape. I couldn’t plug the next hole fast enough.
It became clear: we didn’t have a strategy problem—we had a trust problem.
And if I didn’t lead differently, I was going to become part of the cycle, not the solution.
The Moment It Shifted: Identity Before Influence
Right around this time, I was reading a book that framed leadership as an identity, not just a set of responsibilities. That idea struck something deep. I didn’t need to manage harder. I needed to lead from something truer.
So I asked myself:
- What kind of leader do I want to be—even when it’s inconvenient?
- What values do I refuse to compromise?
- What promises do I want my team to count on—every time they interact with me?
I started writing them down.
Not as vague principles, but specific commitments—personal non-negotiables that reflected the kind of character I wanted to lead with: integrity, justice, humility, courage, and servanthood.
Then I took it a step further:
I wrote it as a letter—to my team.
Each value became a statement of commitment. I signed and dated it. And I called it my Leadership Covenant.
It wasn’t a list of expectations for them.
It was a promise of who I intended to be—every day, in every decision.
A Private Conversation That Reshaped Our Culture
I didn’t unveil it in a dramatic team meeting.
Instead, I met with each team member one-on-one.
I handed them the covenant and let them read it. I answered their questions. I walked them through the commitments—and pointed out where I had already failed to live up to some of them. I asked for forgiveness. I asked for accountability.
Some were moved. Others were skeptical. But all of them listened. And then… they watched.
What happened next wasn’t overnight.
But slowly, they began to see a pattern:
- I referred to the covenant in decisions.
- I used it to explain my leadership choices.
- I returned to it in moments of tension or disagreement.
- I owned it when I fell short of it.
And something began to shift.
The temperature cooled.
The conversations became safer.
The team began to trust that I wasn’t leading by whim—but by conviction.
The Power of Giving Away Control
One of the lines in my covenant was this:
I will not make overriding decisions without giving my team a chance to hear and speak into them.
That one principle created a new kind of safety.
Even when the final decision rested with me, my team knew they had a voice. They didn’t need to fight for influence behind the scenes. They were already invited in.
And over time, the resistance faded.
The creativity returned.
People started cheering for each other again.
Eventually, we became not just a functioning team—but a thriving one. Several members told me it was the best team they had ever been part of.
What I Learned Along the Way
Looking back, here are three things that stand out:
- Teams don’t need a perfect leader. They need a consistent one.
My team didn’t expect me to always get it right. But they wanted to know I was serious about becoming the kind of leader they could trust. - You can’t hold others accountable to values you don’t commit to yourself.
Culture starts at the top. If I wanted the team to move with integrity and humility, I had to live it first—and invite their feedback when I didn’t. - Leadership is most powerful when it flows from identity, not position.
Titles don’t build trust. Character does. And clarity about who you are gives others confidence in how you’ll lead—even when the path gets difficult.
Make It Real: What You Can Do This Week
You don’t need to write a full leadership covenant this week.
But you can begin the work of clarifying who you want to be as a leader.
Here’s how to start:
- Think back to the best leaders you’ve worked with.
What actions or habits earned your respect?
When did you feel safe, heard, or inspired?
Write those moments down—and note the character traits that were behind them. - Now think of the hard moments.
What leadership behaviors caused frustration or mistrust?
What did those leaders ignore or compromise?
Again, list the actions—and identify the traits that were missing. - Look for the patterns.
What values do you deeply admire?
What behaviors do you never want to replicate?
This is the foundation of your own leadership identity.
You may not be ready to write a covenant yet—but these reflections will begin to shape the promises you’ll want to make (and keep) if you do.
The goal?
To lead with such clarity and consistency that your team doesn’t have to guess what matters to you. They’ll know—because you’ll live it.